# Grace & Courtesy: How Prepared Adults Build Independence

In a Montessori classroom, grace and courtesy lessons are among the most beautiful — and most misunderstood — elements of the curriculum. They are not about obedience or manners for the sake of appearances. They are about dignity, independence, and the quiet art of living well together.

What Are Grace & Courtesy Lessons?

Grace and courtesy is a distinct area within Montessori Practical Life. These are short, precise lessons — often presented through role-play or demonstration — that show the child exactly how to navigate social situations with confidence and care. They cover everything from greeting a visitor and pushing in a chair, to waiting for a turn and expressing disagreement respectfully.

Dr. Maria Montessori observed that young children are in a sensitive period for social behaviour. They are deeply interested in how people interact, and they absorb the social norms of their environment with remarkable precision. Grace and courtesy lessons harness this natural drive, giving the child a clear model to follow rather than leaving them to guess.

> "The child who has been taught to be courteous is not merely well-mannered; he has acquired a social skill that will serve him throughout his life." — Dr. Maria Montessori

The Prepared Adult: Where It All Begins

In Montessori, we speak often of the prepared environment — the carefully arranged classroom with its beautiful materials. But there is an equally important concept that receives less attention: the prepared adult.

The prepared adult is the Montessori guide (or parent) who has done the inner work of self-awareness, patience, and intentionality. Grace and courtesy cannot be taught through words alone. They must be modelled. Every interaction the adult has with the child — and with other adults — is a lesson.

When a guide kneels to speak with a child at eye level, that is grace. When a parent removes their shoes calmly and places them neatly in the cubby, that is courtesy. When an adult waits for a child to finish speaking before responding, that is respect.

What the Prepared Adult Practises

The prepared adult is not perfect — but they are intentional. Here are some of the daily practices that define this role:

Arrival routines. The way a family enters the classroom sets the tone for the entire morning. At our schools, we ask parents and children to follow a consistent arrival sequence: greet the guide, change into indoor shoes, hang up the jacket, wash hands, and choose work. Each step is an opportunity for the child to practise independence — but only if the adult steps back and allows it.

Shoes and jackets. These are not trivial details. A three-year-old who learns to put on their own shoes is building concentration, fine motor coordination, sequencing, and self-confidence. The prepared adult resists the urge to rush this process. They may demonstrate the technique once — folding the jacket on the floor, flipping it over the head — and then wait. Patiently.

Classroom entry. In a Montessori environment, the transition from home to school is treated with great care. We do not rush children through the door. The entry is a threshold — a moment of shifting from the family world to the classroom community. The prepared adult honours this by being calm, unhurried, and present.

Grace & Courtesy in Action: Daily Routines

Here are some of the specific grace and courtesy lessons that children at Lions Gate Montessori and Petite Girafe practise daily:

Greeting. Children learn to make eye contact, offer a handshake, and say "Good morning" to their guide and classmates. This is often one of the first lessons presented at the beginning of the school year.

Walking in the classroom. Children are shown how to walk carefully around work mats, how to carry a chair without dragging it, and how to move through the room without disturbing others. These lessons protect the concentration of every child in the environment.

Interrupting. Rather than calling out, children learn to place a hand gently on the adult's arm and wait. The adult acknowledges the touch and responds when they are ready. This teaches patience without dismissing the child's need.

Serving food. During snack time, children pour their own water, serve themselves, and clean up afterwards. They learn to offer food to others before serving themselves, and to say "thank you" and "no, thank you" with sincerity.

Caring for the environment. Wiping a table after use, watering a plant, sweeping crumbs from the floor — these are not chores. They are acts of care for the shared space, and they build a sense of responsibility and belonging.

Why This Matters Beyond the Classroom

Grace and courtesy lessons are not about producing polite children for the sake of adult convenience. They are about giving children the social tools they need to navigate the world with confidence and empathy.

A child who knows how to introduce themselves to a new friend is less anxious in unfamiliar social settings. A child who can resolve a conflict by using words — "I was using that, may I have it back when you are finished?" — is developing emotional intelligence that will serve them for decades.

Research in social-emotional learning consistently shows that children who develop these skills early are more successful academically, more resilient in the face of challenges, and more capable of forming healthy relationships throughout their lives.

For Parents: Bringing Grace & Courtesy Home

You do not need a Montessori classroom to practise grace and courtesy. Here are some simple ways to bring this philosophy into your home:

- Slow down arrival and departure routines. Give your child time to put on their own shoes and jacket. It will take longer at first, but the independence they gain is worth every minute.

- Model what you want to see. If you want your child to say "please" and "thank you," use those words yourself — consistently and sincerely.

- Create a place for everything. When children know where their belongings go, they can take responsibility for them. A low hook for jackets, a basket for shoes, a shelf for lunch bags.

- Practise waiting. When your child is deeply engaged in an activity, resist the urge to interrupt. Wait for a natural pause. This teaches them that their work matters — and models the same respect you hope they will show others.

*Grace and courtesy is not a lesson plan. It is a way of being. And it begins, always, with the prepared adult.*

*At Lions Gate Montessori and Petite Girafe Montessori Academy, we believe that every interaction is an opportunity to model the respect, patience, and care that we hope to see reflected in our children. We invite you to visit our classrooms and experience this philosophy in action.*